This one, for whatever reason, has beens such a struggle for me. I have painted over it so many times. I think I have been trying to paint something that would sell, or paint something that others would like…whenever I do this I always fail, good never really comes from trying to please others, forsaking who you are. Ben Quilty recently posted a video where he said the beginnings of art should be hidden, you should never show anyone else, as you may be influenced by their positivity or negativity towards your work, forsaking what it would have been had you not heard their comments. What brilliant advice. I wonder how often the choices I make in my life, generally, are subtly influenced but the positive and negative feedback, I get from those around me. I wonder how much more at peace I would be if I was able to contain myself, until my form was strong enough to withstand the judgement of the world around me….
Apologies for the extreme colours, but this is how I am dealing with all that is happening. Hope… a fresh start, a new beginning, spring to come…lessons to be learnt, patience to be developed, perseverance, resilience, family, connection, change…
I painted this painting while sobbing. I wasn’t feeling the best, hadn’t slept, was aching for my son and I knew I needed to paint. I went to the backyard with a box full of paints that I had grabbed and started to throw them on the canvas. As I cried, I cried out to God. It has been a painful time as I have continued to paint this, and to continue to cry out to God for wisdom. I was reminded of the bible verse 1 King 19:11-13, where God asked Elijah to stand on a mountain where He would pass by and there was a great wind, which tore everything apart and God was not in that, and a great earthquake and God was not in that, and a great fire, but he was in none of these. Then came a gentle whisper… God has come to me in a gentle whisper: I just need to wait on Him, trusting Him in all circumstances and He will provide what I need and what my kids need.
I was terrified to share this painting because it is me, in paint. It was pure joy to paint this piece. This is one of a series of splatter art works, abstractish pieces that I have done, where I start by literally throwing paint on a canvas, and then I make something from it. It also has a lot more to it than some may see. It is kind of like a parable, it will only really make sense to the one who attends to it closely and the more they pay attention the more they will discover. It has hidden things amongst it.
I am not the most commercial artist. To be commercial you are supposed to paint in a similar style so that your art is recognisable, I am not so good at that because I paint my life and my moods, so my paintings tend to go up and down with my life. I did read a great article about the reason to paint the same things over and over…to learn from! What a good idea…maybe a good thing for life also?? Learn from past mistakes??? Maybe?? 76 x 76cm Acrylic on Linen Canvas
I always contemplate life as I paint, and I was really struck while painting this one in particular. If you were to come in part way through and check out my painting you would think it was pretty terrible, you wouldn’t see the process I was going through to enable the beauty to develop. Our life is not simple and it would be pretty easy to look at it and think what a mess! Someone messed this up! I know that God has His vision and purpose for our lives, that He sees the completed picture and the process we must go through in order for it to be made complete.
Acrylic Paint on canvas, stretched and ready to hang 101.6 x 101.6cm
Signed on the front
I have fallen in love with Nelson Bay thanks to some truly special friends. It has provided me with endless inspiration. One of my favourite new discoveries was a hidden tucked away piece of paradise…Zenith Beach. The beauty there was staggering. In order to replicate some of the texture I saw, I threw paint all over the canvas as a base layer, squishing and pulling the paint with paper and glad wrap, giving the whole canvas undulations, blobs and creases.